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Featured Review

Note: this site has been discontinued

I will no longer be posting any reviews here. Any further reviews will be posted on my Rotten Tomatoes account. Thanks!

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Resident Evil 5

This was definitely far better than I thought it would be. Oddly, though, the game develops a habit of shooting itself in the foot. For example, the graphics are JAW-DROPPING, but then about halfway through, the locales change to almost exclusively dark interiors, as if trying to negate the prettiness with black, brown and gray.

The bosses are awesomely designed, but they all get defeated by shooting the glowing squishy parts. The final boss battle, however, is ridiculously hard to figure out, even on Easy mode. The story manages to include lots of back story without confusing a newcomer like myself at all, although its cheesiness can get a bit excessive sometimes (classic Japanese game trait).

Nonetheless, it's tons of fun to play, especially with a friend. The first half is absolutely top notch and some of the best gaming I've had in a while. The second half loses steam in underground tunnels and metal corridors, but this remains a must-play, especially at this time of the year.
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From Hell

Uhh. I'm not sure what to think. It somewhat captures that eerie 19th century London feeling, and it's got Johnny Depp. Those are pretty much the only real positives I can find. The story is passable, but poorly explained and a bit silly. The cinematography is drab and lifeless. The acting isn't bad but isn't notable either. While I didn't guess who the killer would be, the answer felt wholly unsatisfying and uninteresting.

In a sentence:
Dull, meaningless, mediocre and depressing... but it's got Depp in it. Meh.

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Con Air

This is a classic 90s popcorn action movie, full of huge explosions, destruction and stereotypes... but in a good way. The writing is full of one-liners and campy dialogue, the story is ridiculous, and Cage sports a weird haircut while sounding like Forrest Gump... but it all stays quite entertaining. Which is the point.
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Face/Off

Hehe, the 90s. Gotta love 'em. Although it shows that this was originally set in the future (some high tech elements stick out), the story here is essentially perfect for a crazy action movie that still raises interesting questions. Great acting from Cage and Travolta, with each actor trying to mimic the other, and almost entirely live-action special effects really make you miss the good old days. This is not one to miss, as it is one of the best action movies ever made, and definitely a classic.

In a sentence:
Tons of fun, huge explosions and crazy gunfights somehow manage to mingle with great acting and great storytelling. A classic.

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You've Got Mail

Awwww! What a cute movie! To be honest, I don't think I can really mention anything that needs improving for it to achieve its goal. The acting, writing, cinematography and script are all perfect for a romantic movie like this, and I think I'd go as far as saying it's the best romance flick I've ever seen (although I'll be the first to admit that I haven't seen many).

One small problem that I saw was that the transition to the ending seemed to happen a little too fast, but then making it any longer probably wouldn't have been an improvement considering how perfect the 2 hour running time felt. I think just distributing some hints earlier on might have helped. Still, it's nothing major, and the ending is still quite touching.

In a sentence:
An awesome, happy, light and cute little movie that is perfect for couples and that is probably the best non-comedy romance movie I've seen.
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Hollow Man

Amazing special effects would be the only reason to watch this movie. The acting is mediocre at best (though Bacon is decent), the writing is average, and the plot is preposterous. It's very comparable to "Deep Blue Sea" in that the characters all split up stupidly and get picked off one by one. The difference here is that the film builds up to it for half of the running time, which is ironic since the first 30 minutes actually showed some promise and are the best part of the film. At a certain point, the Invisible Man becomes invincible and continuity errors come in a continuous flow, although they exist before that as well, what with the female characters' seeming indifference to being groped and prodded.

In a sentence:
Great special effects make this worth watching, but don't expect anything better than an everyday slasher film with a twist.


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Crank

What the heck did I just watch? When you think of stereotypical dystopian futures where people watch crazed violent movies full of gratuitous nudity and drugs with their brains turned off, this is probably what they'd be watching. This movie actually gave me a headache, and despite being only composed of fast-paced action randomly edited with fast cuts, it felt about three times too long. There are numerous video game references and hints, notably in the credits, as if to say that this is a parody of virtual violence. Not only does it not succeed at being even remotely that clever, but it fails entirely at getting any sort of point across.

In a sentence:
Never watch this.

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Miss Congeniality

...Entertaining. It's certainly more relevant to a female audience, and it isn't actually funny (it just exploits awkwardness). However, the message is relevant, and there are some nice moments (the ending climax is awesome thanks to Shatner). On the downside, the plot twist makes no sense, and the story is shallow.

In a sentence:
It's a nice, light movie to watch if you just want to entertain yourself, but is, ironically, shallow.

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Gran Torino

Once again, a much better film than I thought it would be. Eastwood's character is fascinating, and is acted wonderfully to bring us through his character's evolution in a way that feels entirely natural. The story itself is thought-provoking, well written, and kept my interest throughout, which is impressive for a 2-hour movie set entirely in the same small neighborhood. Finally, the production values are good, but do nothing special or original so as to not distract from the story.

In a sentence:
Worth watching if you find old age, American values, cultural differences or gang violence interesting. It's certainly one of the more interesting character studies I've seen.
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Tomb Raider: Underworld

Quite a fun game once you get into it. It's exactly what you'd expect from a Tomb Raider game and lacking in any form of originality whatsoever, but the level design is still pretty good and the challenge of solving puzzles is as fun as ever. The graphics have been given a significant boost, which is nice, and the controls and camera are pretty standard fare. The combat is reduced to jumping madly around while shooting nonstop, but it breaks up the huge amounts of platforming and puzzle solving rather well. The story will only be understood by anyone who has played the previous few Tomb Raider game, or who has spent some time reading the wikipedia pages.

In a sentence:
Basically, lots of fun to beat in a weekend, but otherwise average through and through.

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Watchmen

Yeah, I just gave a superhero movie five stars. The thing is, compared to other movies in this genre, this is a masterpiece. Superhero movies are usually very simple and bipolar: here's the bad guy who will die, and here's the good guy who will discover his powers and then save the world with them. Not so in Watchmen. Moral ambiguity is part of every aspect of the story, leaving you to decide who is good and who is bad. This is amplified by the fact that only one character actually has superpowers.

In addition, the cinematography, special effects and general production values are off the charts. Much like 300 before it, this movie oozes coolness and badassery, except in a much more calculated fashion this time around. The acting, while not oscar-worthy, is exactly what was required for each character. Jackie Earle Haley's portrayal of Rorschach, in particular, is absolute perfection.

Now, I'd read the comic before seeing this, and as with any adaptation, I was afraid that it wouldn't be up to par with the original. Surprisingly, I vastly preferred the movie to the graphic novel. Except for some very minor elements that aren't introduced properly (Adrian Veidt's pet, for example), this is the most faithful adaptation I've seen so far, actually going as far as improving the original.

Though you should be mindful that this is a very explicit and gory movie, it represents the very best comic book movies have to offer. However, it is not for everyone, and serves better as a companion to the comic.
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The Day The Earth Stood Still (2008)

Nowhere near as bad as I thought it'd be, this movie was actually quite entertaining. The environmental message isn't as good or as logical as the original's violence message, but it works. Keanu Reeves is the perfect choice as Klaatu precisely because of his emotionless acting, and the other actors do a passable job. One complaint I have is that the kid in the movie is a total, total jerk. I have trouble believing any 10 year-old could be as big of a douche as the one in the movie. Nonetheless, it keeps the plot going, so it is forgiveable. All in all, it's nothing groundbreaking, but is a nice and quick bit of entertainment for anyone who likes science fiction.
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Taken

One of the most thrilling action movies I've ever seen. Comparisons could be made to Jason Bourne and Craig's James Bond, but in the end, Liam Neeson is the true badass. From start to finish, he is a machine with a single purpose that must be accomplished at all costs. The length is perfect at roughly an hour and a half, and I was on the edge of my seat the whole way through. Obviously, it isn't perfect (without giving anything away, the ending was a bit lazy), but the entertainment factor is through the roof. If you're looking for an action movie to see, this is the one.
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Defiance

This was much better than I expected it would be. It's a nice departure from the now generic Holocaust movies, because it focuses on a community of defiant Jews living in the wilderness, giving the germans a very small role in the story. Daniel Craig is excellent, and the imagery is beautiful and very reminiscent of Zwick's previous movies "Blood Diamond" and "The Last Samurai". It raises some very interesting questions, and is quite entertaining without being too long. All in all, this is well worth your time.

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Australia

What a strange movie. Over the course of its painfully long 165 minute running time, it patches together disjointed Australian cultural and historical references through a clichéd and overacted love story, barely managing to entertain at all in the process. Despite the substantial time spent with the characters, not once did I feel even remotely attached to them, and not once did I care about what happened to them. In addition, this is the kind of movie where missing a single word can make you miss entire plot points which are crucial to the rest of the story, which makes the often barely comprehensible accents particularly annoying.

The film's one saving grace is the cinematography: seeing this film in HD is glorious, with some of the best panoramas and shots I've seen in a long time. Some of the random elements, like the aboriginal singing and the harmonica music, do manage to give it some feeling of atmosphere at some points, which could be seen as a plus. Really, though, the production values and cinematography are the only reason this didn't get one star.

I had to watch the movie in three 45 minute segments to be able to withstand it. While there was clearly tons of potential in the basic story elements, setting and production values, it just ends up as a kind of Frankenstein of a movie which tries to fit too many things into too long of a running time. If Australia fascinates you, or if you like long yet visually beautiful movies, this might interest you. Otherwise, look elsewhere.
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      I watch a ton of movies and TV Shows and play a ton of games, which is rather unproductive. So, I have decided to review as many things as I can, to at least get something that might be useful to others out of it. Sorry if I end up bashing a movie you like, as I'm in critic mode when I write here. In reality, I can enjoy every movie, even zero star ones! Hope you enjoy the site!
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